The Insane Worm Baby Who Clicked the Link
by animeninjaNIPPON
Summary: Oh, the humanity! Dib accidently stumbles on a fanfiction site where people are writing ZADRs! But when he tries to tell people, nobody seems to care!
1. Look What Those Fans Wrote!

By animeninjaNIPPON

OK, first let me start off by saying…technically, this is not a ZADR. Coming from me, you'd think it would be, but it's not. Second, it's not a ZADR parody – well, it kinda is, but not in an anti-ZADR way. No, what this story is, in fact, is the answer to all those anti-slash stories that have been suddenly popping up in the Invader Zim category! Has anyone else noticed this? There are no anti-slash stories popping up relentlessly in any of the other fandoms I read/write for, just this one plus the one in the Jhonen Vasquez category…oh yes, that reminds me, I don't own Invader Zim, and no matter how hard I try I cannot keep the characters completely IC all the time. After all, I'm not Jhonen, I just like to pretend I am…mwahahahaha.

Anyhoo, sorry for the long author's note. And I don't hate those anti-slash stories (in fact, I've read some of them and they're pretty good), I just had to do this to counter the backlash because I'm insane like that. But hey, to each their own… Mwahahahaha.

* * *

It was a quiet, peaceful night – a true rarity for the large-headed boy known as Dib. With his sister Gaz busy playing her Game Slave 2 and his father busy perfecting Power Toast 2.0, he had the perfect opportunity to go to his room and monitor the Swollen Eyeball Network via computer. On his way there, Dib pondered out loud, "When is the last time I checked my email?" 

Strangely obsessed with this new idea, he went to his Inbox and cleared out all the house insurance spam. One letter, though, caught his attention.

"PROOF THAT ALIENS EXIST!" read the subject line. Naturally, Dib clicked the link to see what "proof" the letter held:

_Dear Sir or Madam:_

_We cordially invite you to visit_ funstories. net_,where people share their "encounters" with the unknown by our virtual water cooler!_

_To visit us, merely click the link below or copy it into your Internet browser._

"All right!" Dib exclaimed. "This I gotta see!" Without further ado, he clicked the link. It took five minutes for the page to load, but when it finally did, Dib was greeted by a stupid "This page cannot be displayed" sign.

"What?" he cried, clicking the link a second time. Again, "This page cannot be displayed."

"All right then…" Dib highlighted the seemingly defective link and copied it. "Let's try it THIS way!" A mysterious flash of thunder lit up his dark blue room as he pasted the URL into the area near the top of his computer screen and hit "Enter."

Instead of taking him to "funstories. net," thelink led Dib to "fanstories. net."

"Whatthe…is this right?" Dib wondered, noticing that the main word in the URL he pasted into the browser now read _fanstories_ instead of _funstories_. "Oh well, might as well look around…"

In the living room, Gaz tapped away at the buttons on her GS2. She was completely engrossed in her Vampire Piggies game until her brother's bloodcurdling cry of doom shook her out of her voluntary trance. Reluctantly, she opened one eye in Dib's general direction.

"Gaz, people are OBSESSED with me!" he shrieked, running into the living room while waving a stack of printed-off papers in his outstretched hand.

"Do you mind?" she snapped. "I am TRYING to finish this level."

"But Gaz, I came across this website where people write about me and Zim as an item! Don't you think that's weird?"

"The only thing 'weird' around here is you. Now leave me alone already!"

"But Gaz – " Dib held out the papers in front of his sister's face. "They write stories with you in them, too!"

"Am I happy in these stories?" Gaz turned her head completely to scan the papers.

"Uh, I dunno…"

"Well, as long as they write stories where people don't bother me, I don't care." She returned to her gameplay.

Dib paused to think for a moment. "I better tell Dad about this!" With that, he spun around and ran to his father's lab with all speed.

End of part one


	2. Professor Membrane's Logic

By animeninjaNIPPON

Professor Membrane put down the monkey wrench he had been using just as his "poor, insane son" skidded into view, still clutching the fanfiction papers for dear life. "Dad! I have to show you something!"

"Well," Membrane chuckled, "I was about to take a two-minute break anyway. What is it, son?"

"I was on the Internet," Dib explained, "and I found this site where people are writing romances involving me and Zim – you know, that alien boy in my class!"

"Oh, I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding." Membrane shrugged. "After all, you have a very common name, I think…"

"But the scenarios and stuff are the same! And they've included everyone I know…" Dib held up the papers for his father to see.

Professor Membrane took the papers with both hands and read the first page. When he finished that page, he put it behind the others and continued to peruse the story until he was done, his expression never changing. "Oh son, don't worry," he replied evasively, handing the papers back to Dib. "It's only fiction. This story has your little foreign friend going into outer space, for goodness sakes! It's clearly some sort of sci-fi fantasy!"

"But Dad!" Dib complained. "I'm NOT dating Zim! And he's not my friend!"

"There, there," Membrane said, patting Dib on the shoulder. "You shouldn't read stories that make you crazy. Why don't you go read a nice book, like 'Rub the Squirrel'?" To illustrate his point, Professor Membrane pulled said book out from behind his back and held it out for Dib to take.

Dib examined the cover. It bore a picture of a demented squirrel with a piece of real squirrel fur stapled to its belly. The edges of the book were greenish gray with mold. Not wanting to disappoint his father, Dib took the book and put it in his trench coat pocket.

"Now, run along," Membrane ordered. "I've spent twice as long on my break as I intended to." As he picked up a pencil, Dib sighed and retreated to his room.

Once in his bedroom, Dib printed off three other stories marked with the abbreviation "ZADR" and put them, along with the first story, into his backpack. "I'll have to study these some more tomorrow." He opened his dresser and pulled out his pajamas. He was about to put them on when something about the computer screen distracted him.

"I have to get to the bottom of this NOW!" he announced, to which Gaz yelled at him to shut up. "After all, this is a mystery of the paranormal! What else could it be?"

Once again, Dib was seated at his computer, browsing through the stories in the category titled "Invader Zim."

End of part two


	3. Disrupting Class

By animeninjaNIPPON

Ms. Bitters was just about to announce something horrible to the class when a sleep-deprived Dib stumbled through the door, his backpack slumped over one shoulder. In one hand, he clenched a handful of computer papers, two of which found their way to the floor as he trudged to his desk.

"Ms. Bitters, I can expl…" he started, then nodded off into much-needed slumber. Ms. Bitters dropped a huge dictionary next to Dib's oversized head, waking him up.

"As I was saying," Ms. Bitters announced, "the skool has a new tardiness policy. From now on, anyone late to class will be forced to copy the dictionary five times. Dib here has made an example of this horrible new rule."

"But Ms. Bitters!" Dib protested. "I can explain why I'm late!"

"What is it this time?" she groaned. "Did you find out the janitor was Bigfoot?"

"He is? – I mean, no! It's these weird stories on the Internet!" He waved the handful of papers in question.

Ms. Bitters glanced vaguely at the papers Dib held and rolled her eyes. "It's not my responsibility to make sure you get to bed on time. Now, copy the dictionary and turn in your definitions at the end of the day. As for the rest of you, turn to page 360 in your textbooks…"

As Dib opened the dictionary to the very first page, he noticed that Zim was nowhere to be seen. "Hey, where's Zim?"

"He left early due to symptoms of purple monkey fever," Ms. Bitters replied, frustrated at the constant interruptions she had to put up with.

Dib's eyes went as wide as saucers. "Maybe HE'S the one who's writing those romances about us!" His poor choice of words touched off a wave of laughter behind him.

"Someone's writing romances about you and ZIM?" Zita asked. "Yeah right – you're probably writing them, if they even exist."

"First you're screaming like a howler monkey about how Zim's an alien," the letter M piped up, "and now you're telling us that people would actually write about two guys dating?"

"Yeah," someone else added, "why are you reading those, anyway? Do you have a crush on Zim or something?"

"NO!" Dib rose abruptly in his seat. "Zim's an alien! And a guy! And he stole my camera!"

"You two would make kind of a cute couple," a girl in the back spoke up. "I mean, you're both crazy and all."

"I DON'T like Zim!" Dib protested.

"Sit down and copy that dictionary," Ms. Bitters ordered.

With a long, defeated sigh, Dib slumped back into his chair. As he began to copy the definition for "A," he wondered why no one thought it was odd that people wrote stories about him and the people he knew. Well, somebody had to believe him…somebody was bound to give a hang…

Dib cringed. He knew exactly who would care about that strange fiction online – Zim. He didn't want to seek the alien's help, but he had no other choice – Dib was bent on getting to the bottom of it all.

End of part three


	4. The Almighty Zim

By animeninjaNIPPON

As soon as skool let out, Dib dropped his dictionary definitions on Ms. Bitters' desk, ran as fast as he could to Zim's base, set his backpack next to the fence, and ran all the way down the extended path to the "Men's Room" door. He managed to dodge all the attacks from Zim's lawn gnomes with his ninja-like skills that he happened to pick up from a kung-fu movie. Sadly, the moment he knocked on the door, he fell fifteen feet down a trap door and into a large glass tube deep within the base.

"I KNEW you would come, filthy WORM BABY!" Zim exclaimed, walking up to the tube with his hands behind his back.

"Zim, we have to talk." Dib's voice sounded much squeakier from behind the glass.

"TALK? You wish to have a CONVERSATION with the mighty INVADER ZIM?"

"Yes!"

"Very well." With the push of a remote-control button, the glass disappeared and Dib was released. "You have FIVE MINUTES!"

"Somebody's writing romantic stories about you and me on the Internet," Dib stated matter-of-factly. "Is it you?"

"Are you accusing ME of wanting a romance with a smelly…DIB-WORM?" Zim cried. "Irken Invaders do not do this 'ROMANCE,' as you Earth-monkeys call it, and if we DID – "

"Well, do you know who did write them?"

Zim walked up to Dib, making a fist in the human's face. "It was YOU, wasn't it?"

"WHAT?" Dib backed away. "That's stupid! I don't even LIKE you, let alone love you!"

"Oh, come ON!" Zim stood perfectly straight with his hands outstretched on either side. "You're a pathetic stinkbeast with a horrible life. NOBODY likes you because you're BORING! But I, I am the ALMIGHTY ZIM! What stinkbeast WOULDN'T want to serve one of the SUPERIOR Irken race? Especially a HUMAN stinkbeast!"

"That's not what I'm talking about," Dib argued. "And I don't want to serve you! That's why I'm fighting against you!"

"LIAR!" Zim screeched. "Is 'ROMANCE' not dedication and devotion that you Earthstinks show to each other?"

"Well, I guess that's one way to put it…"

"Then it's SIMPLE! You have 'ROMANCE' and become a personal SLAVE to some other Earthstink!"

"You're missing the point, Zim. People want us to be together!"

Zim studied Dib carefully. "Well, as much as I'd like a private slave, you STINK and your HEAD is too big!"

"My head is NOT big!" Dib yelled, then added, "And I don't stink!"

"ENOUGH!" Zim pointed to the elevator. "Get OUT of my house!"

Dib left the underground base, but as he made his way across the top floor he was halted by Gir. "I believe you, Dib!"

"You do?" Dib looked skeptically at the little robot.

"Yup! I think you and my Master would be soooo happy together!" Gir collapsed on the floor, hugging himself.

"GAAH!" Dib burst through the "Men's Room" door. "You're all CRAZY!"

End of part four


	5. The Last Resort

By animeninjaNIPPON

Gaz didn't care. Professor Membrane didn't care. No one at skool cared – not even Zim (although he didn't exactly grasp the concept, he clearly wasn't interested in Dib's findings). "Well, they probably just think it's one of my paranormal things," Dib mused, "and in a way, I guess it is… Hey, the Swollen Eyeball Network should know something about this!" He went online and, ignoring the "Win Free Ringtones" pop-up ads, logged on to the S.E.N.

For some unexplainable reason, Dib was not taken to his usual network, but instead to a black-rimmed screen cut tight to two Irkens munching on snacks and brainfreezies. Their eyes widened when they noticed the human staring at them through the other end of the connection.

"You… You're Zim's leaders!" Dib stammered.

"Hey, aren't you that Earth creature that Zim complains about?" Purple asked.

"He tells you things about me?"

"No, but this one time we heard him muttering something about it when his fake SIR accidentally pushed the communicator button on his computer," Red explained.

Zim's leaders! He was talking to Zim's leaders! Oh, so many questions rushed through his brain… Unfortunately, the first to burst forth from Dib's mouth was –

"Are you aware that someone is writing stories that involve me falling in love with one of your soldiers?"

"Huh?" Red was baffled.

"What is 'love'?" Purple inquired, equally confused.

Dib gave a brief explanation of "love" between two people, careful not to give out any details that might incriminate the human race. "And those writers think that I should be with Zim."

At this, the Tallest burst out laughing, rolling around in their seats.

"And I thought ZIM was two crazy fries short of a combo meal," Red cackled.

"Huh?" Dib eyed the computer screen. He was starting to think the whole universe had gone utterly mad.

"Eh, you can have him." Purple took a long, refreshing sip from his freezy.

"But I don't WANT him!"

"Can't say I blame you," Red sighed.

"Mmm-hmm." Purple still sipped his brainfreezy.

"Although, I wouldn't put it past Zim to do something like that…"

"Hey, that'd be kinda funny to see!"

They both doubled over with laughter again, and Dib's computer screen went black.

About two minutes later, Dib managed to get too the real S.E.N.

"Agent Mothman, have you found anything?" Agent Darkbootie asked.

"Agent Darkbootie! I…" Once again, Dib explained his "dilemma."

"You contacted the Swollen Eyeball Network for THIS?"

"Well, it seems like a mystery of the paranormal to me…"

"First the waffles, now this! Don't contact us again until you're ready to take paranormal investigation seriously!" With that, Darkbootie cut the connection.

Dib sat there, staring blankly at his computer screen, until a crash and a flash of light drew his distraction to his bedroom window.

Without the slightest hesitation, he grabbed his fanfic-stuffed backpack and ran outside to investigate.

End of part five

* * *

Well, I was going to end it at five chapters, but I decided to rewrite part five to add in a possibility for a part six – I credit the idea of Tak's ship to Silver Dragon 2488. If anyone has any other ideas for whom else Dib should complain to (within the IZ fandom), go ahead and leave 'em in your reviews. I probably won't do Jhonen, though.

animeninjaNIPPON


	6. Takship Rising

By animeninjaNIPPON

Dib raced outside to find Tak's spaceship dancing around with inner turmoil. "PERSONALITY – ABORTED!" it cried out in Dib's voice, gradually warping higher until it reached Tak's octave. "Get out of my way, human boy!"

"Oh no," Dib sighed. "As if those fan stories weren't bad enough…"

"What are you talking about?" Tak's ship demanded.

Dib brightened. "You really want to know?"

"No." Dib frowned. "But if it's a threat to my mission, I have to know about it!"

"Well…" Dib once again began his spiel on the romance stories involving him and Zim. "I know you know what 'love' is, Tak…or Tak's ship…or whoever you are."

"Hmm…you and Zim…I can see that."

"WHAT?" Dib shrieked. "How is that possible?"

"Simple," the ship explained. "Zim is a stupid Irken outcast with nowhere to go. You are a stupid human outcast with no friends."

"I DO have friends!"

"Your research organization doesn't count."

"You know about the Swollen Eyeball Network?"

"I do now." Tak's ship was growing impatient. "Now let me finish – as I was saying, you two can relate to each other, complement each other's missing needs…and let's face it – Zim's the only one in the vicinity who cares about your determination to expose him."

"Well, duh…" Dib rolled his eyes. "And you actually believe this?"

"No. But if you and Zim get together, it will be much easier for me to destroy you both!" Maniacal laughter ensued, and her voice gradually lowered until it sounded like Dib's.

"Hey…are you me again?" Dib asked.

"Huh?" the ship replied. "Yeah, I guess."

"Then you've got to agree with me! What do you think of me and Zim as an item?"

"You like Zim?"

"NO!" Dib realized that he had phrased his question entirely wrong.

The ship ignored him. "Does this mean…I like Zim?"

"You're not me!" Dib waved his arms frantically.

"Well, I never really seemed to like anyone from Earth…and Tak is way out of my league…"

"I don't like Tak, either! In fact, I – "

"…And he does know me better than anyone else…"

"That's because we're enemies!"

"RIVALS MAKE THE BEST LOVERS! You're right, Dib-clone – Zim and I DO make a good couple!"

"NOOOO!" Dib grabbed the sides of his debatably large head in frustration. "That does it!" he screamed, running aimlessly in the general direction of his house. "The whole universe is against me!"

End of part six


	7. The Crazy House and Keef

By animeninjaNIPPON

The next thing Dib knew, he was in a light gray room with padded walls, ceiling, and floor, and he couldn't move his arms. "W-Whaaat?"

"You're in the Crazy House for Boys!" chirped an enthusiastic voice.

Dib's eyes widened. "Oh no…OH NO…"

Out of nowhere popped Keef, who was wearing a straightjacket similar to the one Dib was wearing. "Isn't this GREAT? We're both in here together! Now we can talk to each other!"

"Well, I – " Dib stopped short. "What am I doing? How did I get here, anyway?"

Keef grinned. "You were running around town screaming about the whole world telling everyone that you and Zim were a couple, and I got so happy to hear that you two found love against all odds, that I just EXPLODED with happiness!" He spun around once and fell on the floor. "But don't worry – I won't tell! Unless you want me to, 'cuz I can!"

"What? No, I never said I was with Zim! I don't even like him! It's those people on the Internet who think I do! Not me!"

"But you would reeeaaally like Zim if you got to know him!"

"NEVER!"

"Zim says that, too!"

Dib curled up into a ball in the farthest corner of the room.

"Yay! I'm so happy!"

Dib closed his eyes and waited for the other boy to spontaneously combust.

_KABOOOOOM!_

The insane, amber-eyed boy felt the room spin, and when he came to, he was…somewhere else.

"Hey, I know this place." Dib instantly recognized his surroundings as that realm of the Shadow Hog. He wasn't pleased to be there, but it was slightly better than his former setting.

In the middle of the room was the Shadow Hog, apparently having tea with Gaz. "And then Keef exploded…" the female prattled on before catching sight of her brother. "What do you want?"

"Gaz? What are you doing here? Is the pig-mouth back?" Dib asked.

"We hang out every Tuesday to swap video game strategies."

"But it's Sunday!"

"Eh…" She shrugged.

"So," replied the Shadow Hog, "have you come to receive the Gift? Or do you seek to bring your sibling home?"

"Actually, I – " He clapped his hands over his mouth and threw himself backwards to the ground. "NO! I can't keep telling people about those Internet rumors! They think I want Zim… EVERYONE thinks I want to be his…uh, boyfriend? Wait, how would that work?" Dib sat up and paused to think. "Well, he's a guy, so I guess he would be my boyfriend."

"I see," the Shadow Hog replied to Gaz. "He HAS gone insane."

"Yeah, he's obsessed with Zim," Gaz agreed. "And for all I care, Zim can have him. Then they can be stupid together."

"I just want to know why people are writing those stories!" Dib screamed. "I don't want to date him, or marry him, if that's even possible… I DON'T LIKE ZIM!"

"You certainly deny your feelings for him," the Shadow Hog commented.

Dib sighed woefully. "I give up. I'm going home."

End of part seven

* * *

Don't worry, that's not the end…I'll end it at, like, chapter 10. Stay tuned. 


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